This Monster Is All MY Fault
by liltikewriter
Summary: In an attempt to save Mr. O'Neil, Leo accidentally mutates Donatello into something awful. Now he and the rest of the group must make an attempt to save him, before it's too late. Based off 2003 "Good Genes" but with a twist and set in the 2012 universe.
1. Chapter 1

Things had felt weird for the past two days. In fact, things had just felt weird since the accident. I would look around and see the lair was clean, which was ok, but nothing was exploding or sizzling, and no one was screaming or dodging flying experiments. Mikey would be watching, well, whatever show he was into, but I knew his mind was elsewhere. Raph would not stop training. Every waking moment he was working out, pushing himself to the limit and so far that his mind would forget about our current problem, even if for the time being.

And myself? I stopped training for a while. I realized life is too short to worry about being perfect or the best leader, or simply trying to master every technique. Donatello had so much to look forward to, but now, I'm not so sure.

Donnie was gone, possibly for good, and it was all my fault.

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"You sure this'll work, Donnie?" I yelled. We were running on the rooftops, jumping and avoiding sudden falls, trying to trace Kirby. Don was certain he had finished the retro mutagen.

"About 99.5%, Leo!"

"I guess that's good enough!" I called back. We ran for a few more minutes before I heard Raphael call my name. I looked up to see Raph with wings on dangling Mikey dressed as Turflytle.

"Leo, we caught sight of him!"

"Close in!" I yelled back. Raph leaned left and started to move in a different direction. Donnie and I followed.

"Turflytle's going for the kill, buzz buzz!"

"Mikey! If you hurt Mr. O'Neil…" Don screamed. I shook my head, smirking, and ran forward.

"What's the plan again, Donnie? How are we supposed to give 'Kirby Bat' the antidote?" I asked.

"Raph has to get him back in the warehouse, then I'll inject him with this!" Donnie said, holding up a shot containing a pale green fluid. "And no naming April's dad!"

I nodded and smiled. We were going to have to keep Mr. O'Neil steady, or one of us could get hurt. We heard a crash and Don and I turned our heads to see a hole in the warehouse.

"They must have gotten Kirby in there, let's go!"

We rushed in and saw Raph and Mikey holding down Mr. O'Neil's legs. I held down the bigger of his two arms, since Donnie said the small one was not necessary to restrain.

He walked over to Kirby's head and pulled out the shot. After that, everything seemed to go in slow motion. Mr. O'Neil's wings reached up and went straight for Don. I jumped off his arm and pushed them down before they could reach Donnie. Just as he injected the fluid, Kirby's now free arm slammed into the purple-clad turtle, and Don flew back into a stack of crates, shell first.

The large bat twitched and let out a piercing wail. The three of us turned around as Mikey threw a blanket over him. When the thrashing stopped, we turned around.

"Mr. O'Neil!" Mikey exclaimed in excitement. Raph and I cheered as Mikey helped him up.

"Thanks for the blanket," he said, "I guess clothes don't mutate with a guy." I laughed and felt Raph put his hand on my shoulder.

"Leo," he said, "where's Donnie?" Before I could answer, a growl came from behind the pile of crates. A small trail of darkish-green fluid seeped out. Mutagen.

"Do… Donnie?" Raph said.

My eyes widened. "Donatello…" I started. Before I could say anything else, a huge, monster like creature pushed out of the crates. It roared then tore out of warehouse, shaking the floor with each step.

"What was that!" Mikey screamed. I ignored him and ran over to the pile of crates, avoiding the trail of mutagen.

"Leo, please tell me it wasn't…" Raph began. But before he could finish, I picked up a purple mask that was lying next to scattered knee and elbow pads.

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I felt sick to my stomach. My mind could not help but replay the whole incident like a movie. I would try to find different ways to distract myself, but to no avail.

That night, we dropped Mr. O'Neil off at April's, then spent the whole night searching for Don. There was no sign of him, and we had no choice but to return to the lair when the sun started to rise.

Today, I knew April was coming over. She would certainly notice we were acting different and that Don was missing. We'd have to tell her. Even though it had been a few days, it still hurt knowing our brother was absent and it was all my fault.

As if I could see the future, April walked into the lair.

"Hey guys!" She called. Mikey snapped out of his funk for a moment to greet her. I smiled and held up a finger. She nodded, and I went to get Raph. I walked in the dojo, and the first thing I heard was,

"Go away, Leo."

"April's here."

"I don't care. Let me know when Donnie's here."

"Raph, we can tell her and get some help to track him down, or you can sit here and punch a wall then cry about it."

"I said, get out."

"Come on. Please." Raph paused, so I added, "For Donnie" He sighed and followed me out of the dojo.

"Hey, Raph," she said. He nodded and looked down. April arched an eyebrow and looked at me.

"What's going on?" She said. "And hey, where's Donnie? I never got to thank him for curing my dad, since he wasn't with you a few nights ago."

I looked into her confused eyes and sighed. "April, we have to tell you something, uh, kind of important."


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who read the first chapter! I know this sounds needy, but please review! It would mean the world and the comments make me want to work harder!

In other news, I've already written the entire story on paper, now I just have to type it. I hope I can update at least once every two or three days during the week. Now, without further ado, chapter two!

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We were all seated in the TV room, and April stared straight into my eyes as I recapped everything that happened.

"Your dad's wings reached out to hit him and I, well, I jumped off to hold them down. When he gave your dad the shot, the free arm slammed into Donnie, which sent him flying behind some crates." April nodded so I continued.

"There was mutagen behind them." Her eyes grew wide. "Donnie was mutated by it into some kind of larger mons…"

"Mutant," Raph cut in. I looked over at him and he frowned.

"It, or uh, he, ran out and left this behind," I finished, holding up Donatello's signature purple mask. April shook her head.

"No," she said a few times, processing the new information. She cleared her throat and paused, then said," Did you find him?" I shook my head. Raphael cut in again.

"We looked all that night and some of last night. No sign of Don."

"You need to find him!" April said. "We can cure him with the retro mutagen!"

"I checked," Mikey said, reminding me he was still there. "There's no more." I looked over at him and saw his sad, blue eyes glance down at the floor. I had not known he went into the lab.

"Besides," Raph said, "what if his antidote undid both of the mutations? Then we'd have a pet turtle." April shook her head again.

"April, Raph has a point."

"We just need to face it," Mikey said, "the only person smart enough to fix Donnie is Donnie."

As soon as Mikey said that, Casey Jones walked in and sat down next to Raph. "Why the long faces guys? And hey, where's slim?" 'Slim' was one of the nicknames Casey gave to Donnie, and Donnie hated it. I waited for one of his sarcastic responses, and then his absence hit me again. April explained everything to Casey, and all the color drained from his face.

"Uh, I just fought of a giant T-Rex looking thing half an hour ago."

I sat up. "Do you remember where?"

"Yeah, I think it was, uh…"

"No time! Raph said abruptly, already getting up. "Get in the Shell Raiser and tell us as we go!"

Casey nodded and he and Mikey got up and followed Raphael. I got up and started to move too.

"Leo!"

I turned around to face April.

"Let me go too."

"No way, April. Bad idea."

"What if he sees my face and remembers he likes me?"

I paused. Of course she knew, it was obvious.

"I might, I might be able to help calm him down." I sighed.

"Ok, come one." She jogged behind me as we loaded into the Shell Raiser.

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My stomach was churning. We had a plan, we had manpower, and we had his trail. The only thing we were lacking was an antidote.

I was tapping my leg when I accidentally knocked over the tranquil gun. "Watch it, Leo!" Raph growled. "We only have one dart." I nodded and felt sick all over again. This was Donnie's tranquil gun. He made it incase we had an emergency. Who knew we'd have to use it _on_ Donnie.

For a while, everyone was silent. I finally could not take it anymore.

"Guys, we know where to keep him, but how do we change him back?" The plan was once we got him, to chain him to a secluded area right outside the lair. It would be difficult for anyone chained there to escape, even someone as large as Donnie was now.

"I wish I had an answer," Raph said, "but for now, let's focus on getting Donnie."

"What about Dexter Trashcan?" Mikey said. I turned too look at him, but only for a moment since I was driving.

"He's smart and has lots of lab equipment," Mikey continued.

"Yeah, and he's also working under Karai now," Raph said. I winced. Splinter had not told them yet.

"We could kidnap him."

"But what about his equipment?" I said. "He'll need that to fix Don." Mikey moaned and turned back to the map.

"We're going to figure it out, ok?" Raph snapped. "Let's just focus on getting Don."

"Or finding him," I said."

"Uh, guys," April said, "I think I just did." I looked in the direction April was looking. There he was, 100 feet away.

"Donnie."


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: This story is getting more views than I thought it would! I'm really excited! But, I still ask that maybe you leave a review? Just a one word comment or and idea, something! I would love to see what you think!

Anyways, Chapter Three:

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"Donnie."

Even though it was dark out, I was able to get a good look at Donnie. Casey was right; he definitely looked like some type of large dinosaur. Donnie was tall, a lot taller than normal, and probably as big, if not bigger, than Dog Pound used to be. His normally olive green skin was much darker, and muscles bulged and pulsed underneath it. From his hands and feet, he had long, sharp claws to accommodate his sharp teeth.

His shell seemed to have wrapped itself around his back and torso/abdominal area, creating almost like a breastplate. It was a darker brown than before. And now, Donatello had a long tail that stretched out menacingly from behind.

"I guess this means no more calling him slim," Casey said.

"Donnie," April breathed, "what happened."

"Alright guys," I said, "be careful. We want to capture him, not hurt him."

"We may not have a choice, Leo," Raph said. I gripped my katanas until my knuckles turned white and burst through the door of the Shell Raiser. Mikey, Raph and Casey followed. When Don heard us, he turned around and roared, immediately charging our direction.

"Remember!" I yelled, "Get him in the sewers and lead him towards the spot! We'll use the tranquil dart there!"

Mikey cut to the front and landed a hit on Donnie's arm. When he swung again, Don grabbed the chain of his nun chuck and flung him back against the wall.

"Mikey!" Raph yelled. He ran up, managing to hold Don off for a few seconds before being thrown back. Before Donnie could smash Raph, Casey jumped in front and slammed his chest with a baseball bat. The bat broke as soon as it made contact with Donnie's new plastron.

"Uh, whoops. Sorry, Don," Casey said. Donnie swatted Casey out of the way, like he was no more than a fly. Raph got up and charged Donnie again, but only to be thrown into a wall as well.

Suddenly, Donnie turned and saw me. I stood straight and gripped both of my katanas in an x as he rushed at me again, and I pushed them back against Don.

"Donnie!" I yelled. "It's us! Your brothers!" His eyes widened and he stopped long enough for Raph, Mikey and Casey to all swing at him from behind. But their efforts did nothing. He swung at me and sent me back dozens of feet before I skidded to a stop on the concrete. As the others continued to hold off Don, April ran out to me and helped pull me to my feet.

"Leo, let me help." She said. I nodded and ran towards the others, who were still trying to hold him off.

"Donnie! Stop!" She yelled. Don paused and looked at her, his lips curled up into a snarl, revealing all his sharp teeth. But something in his eyes changed, and he closed his mouth and looked at April.

_He recognizes her!_ I realized.

"Don, it's me, April." She said, slowly walking towards him with her hands in front of her. His hand twitched. "Donnie, can you hear me?" She continued. His eyes widened and he reached out his hand, as if he wanted to touch her and see she was real. His hand was inches away from her, when Raph yelled, "Now, Mikey!"

Don's fist clenched when he heard Raph yell. He roared and swung at April, who was already running. He was distracted. Mikey took the opportunity and ran, jumping off the wall and sailing straight for Donnie.

"BOOYAKASHA!" He screamed, landing a hit right on Donnie's head. The beast stumbled back, and then fell through a large hole leading to the sewers. Casey, Raph and Mikey jumped in so they could lead Don to the spot.

April and I got in the Shell Raiser and started driving to the destination. Sometime during the trip, I heard April call my name. I turned to look at her. Her eyes were misty, and I realized I had not really seen her cry since we accidentally mutated her dad, and when we told her what happened to Donnie.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head. "He recognized me."

I gave her a sad smile and turned back around. When we arrived at the spot where we were going to trap Donnie, I told her to wait in the car. She nodded and I grabbed the tranquil gun, and then ran out. The first thing I saw was the three guys running. Then I saw Don running close behind, letting out a roar as Mikey turned to throw some ninja stars at him.

I aimed the gun, knowing full and well I had one shot. If I missed, who knows what might happen. I pulled the trigger and watched as the dart sailed straight into Don's neck. He looked stunned and reached for his neck. Casey jumped up and slammed him in the head with a hockey stick, and finally, he fell over, completely out.

"Thanks, Leo. I didn't know how much longer I could run," Raph said in between pants.

"I'm just glad you three are ok," I said.

"Now," Casey said, looking over Don, "how do we fix 'princess' here?"

"Donnie would know what to do," Mikey mumbled. The three of us started chaining him to the wall where we had everything set up. Hopefully, it would hold.

"I think Mikey may have been right," I finally said.

"Leo, leprechauns aren't real," Raph said.

"No, not that. I mean, maybe Stockman is our only hope in curing Donatello."

Raph shrugged. "Maybe. You must be really worried."

"What do you mean?" I said.

"You called him 'Donatello', not 'Donnie'."

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Sorry for the abnormally long chapter. Man, 1,000 words? Crazy. Also, sorry it was kind of boring. I'm not really good at writing action scenes, but hey, they're ninja turtles so you gotta have action. Anyways, I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update this week because school. But I hope you all have an awesome week!


	4. Chapter 4

Note: You guys are seriously the greatest! All the amazing comments! They bring a smile to my face. Special shout out to SMOSHbuscus, thanks for being so faithful to the story! Anyways, chapter four my friends.

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I watched as Splinter's sad eyes searched over Don. He took in every modification, every inch, everything that was not Donnie. My stomach was clenched up, and had been that way since we brought Don back close the lair. Before the drug wore off, we had finished chaining him up and set up some fencing that was in the lab for "special purposes", as Don would have said. But after waking up, Donnie had started thrashing around, and had already knocked down much of the fencing. I feared the chains would not hold him much longer.

"And allowing one of your enemies to tamper with Donatello's DNA is the only solution you have come up with?" Sensei asked.

We nodded, and then Raph said, "If you don't like the idea, Mikey came up with it."

I knew Sensei would normally say something or correct him, but at the moment it was obvious his heart was heavy. He had already seen his daughter become a monster. Now one of his sons?

"The only issue is," Raph continued, "Slinkman is going to want something in return. What do we have that he could want?"

"We could give him the rest of Donnie's mutagen!" Mikey piped in. Raph sighed, but I perked up.

"That's not a bad idea, Mikey."

"BAM! Two in a row!"

"So what, we just bust in to Baxter's lab and offer him mutagen for Donnie?"

I sighed. "Basically."

"What if he already has mutagen?" April said. I looked over, startled. Casey had gone home, and I had figured she had gone with him. Something inside made me wish she had not been here for the whole conversation.

"Even if he does, he's on a limited supply. More might just help," I said. Master Splinter nodded and turned back to Donnie, who was clawing at the air, strangling against the chains.

"Then I guess we have no other choice. Go, my sons, while the night is still young."

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Lucky for us, Stockman was alone in his lab. We knew it would be risky, since he was working for the foot, but we had no other choice. We had to save Donnie. The three of us burst through the window and cornered him.

"Turtles?" He cried. "What do you freaks want?"

"Trashcan, we need your help with a little problem we're having," I said.

"It's _Stockman!"_

"Whatever. You see, there was a freak accident and one of our brother's got mutated into something awful, but not quite us ugly as yourself," Raph said, gripping his Sais. My stomach heaved when he said 'freak'.

_Donnie's a freak. And it's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my…_

"Leo? Bro, you with us?" Mikey asked. I snapped back into reality.

"Yeah, sorry, you were saying?"

"What's in it for me?" Stockman said. Raph growled.

"You fix Don, and we'll give you a truck load of mutagen."

Stockman smiled. "Well," he said, dragging the word out too long, "I _have_ been running low on supplies. I think that maybe there could possibly be a deal…"

"Do you want it or not!" Raph hissed. I shot him a look and he eased off, his knuckles returning to normal color as he released some pressure on his Sais.

Stockman thought for a moment, then smiled. "Deal."

I nodded. "Now, we're going to need to borrow something from you."

"What?"

"Well, we need some Tranquilizer Darts…"

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April approached Don slowly. She had tried to steady her breathing after training with Master Splinter, but either she was too tired or extremely nervous, because her heart threatened to pound out of her chest. She put one foot in front of the other, carefully marking a path. Donnie was asleep, and the last thing she wanted was to startle him awake. Especially if she was too close.

Thoughts swarmed around her head. What happens if she startles him? Will he attack? If he attacks, do I fight back? I don't want to hurt Donnie. I can't, I couldn't. I couldn't do it.

Her right foot reached out and crushed a soda can, the crunching sound echoing off the walls of the sewer. April winced; he definitely heard that. Donatello stirred and pulled himself up. _Not good._

Don turned around, and when he caught sight of April, he released a deep, heart-stopping roar. He jumped and reached out for April. She screamed and covered her eyes, waiting for impact, but it never came. She looked and saw Don, fighting against the restraints. He reached out and roared again.

"Easy, Donnie, easy," she said. She put her hands out in front of her, and even though they were shaking, she did her best to remain still. Don roared once more, but it was not as loud or as frightening as the first two. He was calming down. "It's ok, Don. It's me, April."

There! She saw a flash of recognition in his eyes. He took a deep breath and stepped back. She looked at his face. Fear, it was written all over his expression. Donnie was afraid. He was confused. He _knew_ her.

April's heartbeat evened out. She steadied her hands and took another step forward. Don had stopped completely, and even though he was still a monster, his eyes looked almost human. They were Donnie's eyes.

"It's ok, Donnie. We're going to fix this. Your brothers," she said and he tensed. She paused for a moment, and then kept going, "they're working on the cure. You'll be ok, Donnie."

She might have been crazy, but it seemed as if he nodded. It was slight, and if one were not looking for it, they would have missed it. But she saw it. He understood her. Donnie was in there.

_Maybe this is one of the reasons why the Kraang want me so much. _She thought.

She took another step forward. Don was completely calm and still, almost like a statue. She reached out her hand. She just needed to know he was real. But before she could get any closer, loud footsteps starting coming down the sewer.

"April!" cried out a voice. April looked back, then up at Don. His eyes were clouding over. She was losing him.

"Don, stay with me!" She cried, stepping back. A low growl started in his throat.

"April, get out of here!" Came the voice again. Now she could see who was shouting. It was Casey. Don saw him too. His eyes completely changed back to their monster-like glow and he released the loudest roar he had yet. He violently clawed at the chains, reaching for April.

She turned away from him, pushing the lump in her throat down, and ran over to Casey. "What's going on?"

"You gotta go, April. The guys are coming to get 'angel' here, and they don't want you around for it."

"Why not, I can…"

"I don't know, just trust them. I don't think it will be pretty." Casey said. I nodded, and with one last look at Don, I turned to leave.

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The Shell Raiser rolled through the sewers with Stockman's temporary container attached from behind. I hoped Casey had gotten to April. I did not want her interfering with Don. We pulled over and saw Donnie clawing against the chains. I stepped out, holding Stockman's tranquil gun. Don roared and I shot a dart. It hit him in the neck, but nothing changed.

"Hit him again, Leo!" Raph yelled. I shot another. Nothing happened. Don kept clawing, and I continued to fire. Finally, Donnie swayed and hit the ground. Raph, Mikey and I ran over to unchain him. There were four darts in his neck and three on his legs.

"The mutagen must be changing again, or something. Come on! We may not have much time." I said, as we tried to get Donnie in the container. Next stop, Stockman's.

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Note: Man! Now that was a long chapter! I just had so much to say! Haha. Hope you like it, and that it all made sense. Don't forget to leave a review! Until next time!


	5. Chapter 5

**Note:** I write a lot of notes, guys. First off, I wanted to say that if some of my ideas seem a little too far fetched or a little crazy, I accept that. But I also think you should keep in mind this is a show about _four mutant talking turtles named after renaissance artists and trained in ninjitsu under a rat who's arch enemy is named after a freaking kitchen utensil._All I'm saying is let's broaden the horizons here.

Also, I should probably do a disclaimer or something, so

**DISCLAIMER- **I don't own the turtles. Let's be glad I don't.

Now, Chapter Five. I hope you're ready, it's a long one!

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The drive was long. We tried to stay underground for the majority of the time so if anyone were awake up top at this hour, the sight of a large dinosaur looking animal would not mentally scar them. Raph was driving because I was too nervous to focus, so we decided it would be best if I manned the weapons. I was drumming my fingers on my kneepad, trying not to think about Donnie.

Raph took a turn too sharp. _Donnie would have yelled or said something sarcastic._

_Mikey should be making a joke here._

_ Donnie would be making a face._

_ I'd tell them to focus._

_ But Donnie's not well._

_ And it's all my fault. It's all my fault, I mutated Donnie. I…_

"Leo?" Mikey asked. I turned to look at him. His blue eyes were laced with confusion.

"I'm sorry, Mikey, what did you say?"

"Do you think Dexter will be able to fix Donnie?"

My stomach cramped up, but I forced a sympathetic smile and said, "I'm confident, Mikey." Mikey smiled and turned back around to his station, which was where Donnie normally sits. I turned to face the wall, but not before catching Raph's glare.

I began drumming my fingers again, thinking of Donnie. He was still knocked out, which was good, but we'd been driving for twenty minutes and I was not sure how much longer until he woke up.

"Raph, can't this thing go any faster?" I snapped.

"If you want Donnie to be thrown around like Mikey's Nun Chucks here, then sure, it can go faster," he snapped back. I huffed.

"Loosen your kneepads, Leo, we're almost there," Mikey said. I breathed a sigh of relief. _One step closer to fixing Donnie._

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There was a large door open in the back of the warehouse. It took all three of us to pull the container towards Stockman's lab. Miraculously, Don was still out, so we did not have to worry about him fighting back just yet. Stockman was waiting in a large, floating chair in the center of the lab. We pulled Donnie in and stopped, looking up. I looked at Raph, who already had a bored look on his face.

"Welcome, Turtles, to my Lab of Doom!" Stockman shouted as the chair descended and he stepped off.

"Yeah, yeah, ok Sockboy." I looked at Raph. _Dial it back_, I mouthed. We could not risk breaking the deal with Stockman. It was too important this time.

"Did you bring the mutagen?"

"We bring the mutagen when you fix Donatello." I said. Stockman pondered this for a moment, and then nodded.

"I guess I shouldn't waste any time in getting a blood sample then, should I?"

We sat back waiting as Stockman got things ready. Donnie had started to stir, and I knew it would be a matter of minutes before he woke up. I looked at Mikey, and could tell he was anxious. He was messing with his thumbs and tapping his foot. I knew he and Don had been especially close, being the youngest. It only led me to wonder what it must be like to have one of the closest people ripped away, but rather than being dead, being a monster.

_Splinter deals with this every day._ I thought. He had revealed to me that Karai was Miwa, but had yet to tell the others. His only daughter, turned against him. And now, his brightest son. The others did not understand. This was my fault, if I had not moved, if I had just stood my ground…

"Fascinating!" Stockman cried out. I looked up to see him gazing into a microscope. He must have already gotten the sample. Raph, Mikey and I walked over to him. I heard a rustling and looked behind me. Don was starting to stir.

"What's fascinating?" I said.

"The make up of his blood! His DNA. It's stunning how complex and intricate everything…"

"Get on with it, Stinkman," Mikey moaned.

"It's Stockman!" He stressed. "And besides, this is partially good news for you."

My stomach unclenched a little. "What's good news?"

"The mutagen Donatello came in contact with reacted a little differently than mutagen normally does. I'm unsure whether it was because of the previous mutation, or if it was a different type of mutagen, but they are distinguishable." Raph and I nodded, but Mikey had a blank stare.

"The two mutagens look different," I groaned. Mikey smiled.

"Got it!"

"So?" Raph barked. " How does this help Don?"

"It helps because now that the two mutations appear different and aren't directly connected, it will be easier to create a retro mutagen without undoing his first mutation."

I began to get excited, but the others seemed skeptical. "How do we know you won't actually undo both?" Mikey said.

"Please," Baxter said, "I need mutagen more than I need revenge. There seems to be only one issue, though."

My moment of rejoicing was over. "What's wrong?"

"This second mutation seems to be attacking his brain more than any other area. Yes, it changed the DNA structure, but it also seems to be redirecting his thoughts and suppressing memories."

"That explains why Donnie doesn't recognize us!" Mikey said.

"Or his new found aggression," Raph added.

"After undoing the mutation, he should be fine, but if the mutagen continues to attack his brain for much longer, he _might_ not be exactly the same," Stockman added, writing something down on a notepad.

Now I could not take it. I winced and forced the rising bile back down my throat. Donatello might not be the same, and it's my fault.

"Give him some rest, and he should be fine," Stockman finished. I nodded, turning to look at Donnie. He was finally awake, and it only took a moment for him to register where he was before he began violently pounding against the sides of his container.

Raph noticed too. He turned back to Stockman, who was reading something he had written and pulled out a sai. "I guess it would be smart if you moved a little _quicker_ then, wouldn't it?" I put my hand on his wrist and pushed the sai down.

"Raph, he's working," I said. Raph growled and stepped back. Baxter started gathering supplies and piling them on his lab table.

"Is there anything else we might need to know?" I said, impatiently.

Stockman nodded. "It seems that if we don't reverse the mutation soon enough, some of it's effects could become permanent."

"Permanent?"

"Yes, such as, I could restore the DNA structure, but not the previous structure of his brain and thoughts. Or, his body structure might not change at all."

I swallowed, thinking about Donnie's normal body with a monster brain, or vice versa. I felt sick again.

Raph was fuming now. "Maybe you should quit standing around and start working," he growled. Behind me, Don roared and thrust himself against the wall of his container.

"Time is of the essence, Stockman," I said.

"I understand. But first, we're going to need to transfer him into one of my containment units. For safety purposes." The three of us pulled Don's container over to one of Stockman's. It was much harder to move him when he was awake. He continually roared and thrashed against the walls.

The door to Baxter's cell opened and the door to Donnie's opened. "What are you doing?" I shouted. Baxter looked scared, and I knew it was a mistake. Don tore out of the cell and roared.

"Don't let him get away!" I yelled. Raph ran up to Don, trying to force him back towards the other cell, but he shoved Raphael into a bookshelf. Upon impact, the whole shelf fell on top of him.

"Don't just stand there!" I yelled at Stockman. "Get the tranquil gun! And lots of darts!" Stockman nodded, disappearing behind a table.

"BOOYAKASHA!" Mikey yelled, flying towards Don. Donnie grabbed him and threw him up a story, hard. Mikey landed on a higher ledge, and then before we could do anything, he fell off.

"Mikey!" I screamed. He was unconscious. I charged towards Donatello. He quickly evaded my attack and threw my back against a table. A large piece of equipment fell on my leg, and I could not move it fast enough. I saw Don running towards me. He leapt into the air, and I braced for the impact, only hearing the words _it's all your fault, it's all your fault, it's all your fault, it's my fault, all mine_ echo through my head.

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Ooooo, a cliff hanger! Bet you weren't expecting that one! Anyways, hope you liked this chapter! I'll try to update again tomorrow, we'll see if homework permits. Have a great week! Don't forget to review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Note:** Sorry it took so long to update. I was really crunched for time last night and didn't have time to update. But I'm here now!

So because some people suggested doing some chapters from Donnie's view, I've decided I will write a sequel after I finish this story, completely from Donnie's point of view! It will be called "I am the Monster", and will come out shortly after the conclusion of this!

Anyways, chapter Six!

**Disclaimer:** yada yada, turtles aren't mine. K

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I remembered being younger. When we first began sparring with each other. Donnie did not seem to catch on to training as quickly as he did; he was more into techy stuff. Raph and I always went for Don and Mikey, because they were the little guys. When I would swipe at Donnie, and he would hit the ground, deep down I was always pleased. Yeah, he is my little brother, and I felt guilty for beating him every time, but winning carries this prideful feeling with it, like a momentary buzz.

Now, preparing for impact, I knew it was finally Donnie's turn to take me out. But the impact never came. I looked up, and saw Don's large body lying motionless in front of me. Behind him was Baxter Stockman, who still had the tranquil dart pointed at Don. I counted the shots. Twelve. That couldn't be a good sign. Raph came running up to me and helped move the large piece of equipment off my leg. The area was slightly purple already from where it had landed. As far as I could tell, it was not broken, but it definitely hurt. A lot. Raph stretched out his hand. I grabbed it and he pulled me to my feet.

"You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, just a little shaken up is all," I said, leaning against the wall for balance. My head was swimming. Then all at once, the phrase, _Where's Mikey_ exploded in my head. I was filled with sudden worry.

As if he could read my thoughts, Raph looked away and said, "Mikey got knocked up onto that ledge." He looked up and I followed his stare. Sure enough, there was his leg hanging off the side.

"We need to help him!" I said, already realizing he was most likely unconscious. Raph nodded, then added,

"Donnie first, though."

It took a lot to get Donnie into his new containing unit. He was extremely heavy, and Stockman was a little too weak to be of any assistance, so it was just the two of us. Not that we wanted his help anyways; we could handle Donnie ourselves.

After what seemed like forever, we got Donnie into the container and went to help Mikey. He was draped over the ledge, looking lifeless from a distance, but up close we could tell he was alive.

"Must have taken a really hard knock to the head," I said.

"He'll be fine. There isn't much up there to get damaged anyways," Raph added. I rolled my eyes and pulled Mikey up. Raph and I managed to set him up in a sitting position against the wall. Below, we heard Donnie start to stir and growl. If twelve tranquil darts were not able to keep him knocked out for long, I did not want to imagine what state his brain must be in.

Mikey started to stir so I focused on him. His eyes squinted open, revealing a little blue between his green eyelids.

"How ya feeling, Mikey?" Raph asked. Mikey moaned and rubbed his head.

"It feels like I got hit by a truck," he mumbled.

"Not a truck, but something just as big,"

"Good to see you're ok, Mikey," I said. He smiled then looked down at Don.

"Is he going to be ok?" He asked. His blue eyes were big and innocent. If Donnie were there, he would know exactly what to say. Even though I was the leader, I still said the wrong thing at times.

So instead, I gave a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, Mikey. He'll be ok."

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April pulled a wagon with several canisters of mutagen behind her as she made her way to the Shell Raiser. These things always seemed to be so fragile, so Leo told her to be extra careful when she towed them. They did not want any more mishaps with mutagen. As for what she told her dad? Well, telling him she was delivering mutagen to the turltes who were in the enemy's lab because their brother got mutated into a monster definitely would not fly, so she said she had a study date with Casey.

Besides, her dad liked Casey. Probably because he had no connection with Kraang, Shredder, or anything, besides knowing the turtles. What he did not know was that Casey trained occasionally with Raph so they could go on missions together. Something else her dad did not need to know.

Just as she was thinking about him, Casey came running up behind her.

"Hey, Red," he said, flashing his gap tooth smile. April smiled back.

"What do you want, Jones?" She teased playfully.

"Just wanted to know if you needed any help loading up the mutagen." Casey grabbed one, observing the bottle. "This stuff freaks me out, man."

"Stop messing around," she said, grabbing the canister and shoving it in with the others. "Leo told me to be extra careful. Those things are crazy breakable, and I'd hate for you to get mutated."

"Yeah, I know," he said, smiling again. April smiled back. His gap immediately reminded her of Donnie, and suddenly she felt that weird sadness in her chest.

"You ok?" Casey said.

"Yeah, I just, you know…"

"Donnie?" April nodded, pushing her bangs out of her face. "They'll cure him, don't worry." Casey added.

"Not without this mutagen they won't," April said. "I just gotta wait for the signal."

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We had been waiting for hours. The three of us took turns recalling what the fight with Donnie was like. When Raph gave his details, we could not help but laugh.

"Raph, you didn't knock him over, he threw you backwards!" I said.

Raph's face turned red. "I caught him off balance…"

"Did not!" Mikey said. "You didn't stand a chance."

"Fine, ok, I admit it, Donnie handed me my butt back there, you happy?"

Mikey and I burst out laughing, holding our stomachs because it hurt so badly. Raph, always the first to take Donnie down. It was too ironic not to laugh.

After more time had passed, I had fallen asleep. I was woken up suddenly to Raph shaking me.

"What is it?" I grumbled, half awake.

"Trashman finished the cure," Raph said quickly. Suddenly, I was wide-awake. The three of us jumped down, and to our disappointment, Don was still in monster form.

"What is this? You finished the cure!" I said.

"I give him the cure when I see mutagen." Stockman said.

"You little…" Raph said, pulling out his Sais.

"I can destroy this, you know," Baxter said, holding up a shot with a long needle. The fluid inside was a ghostly white. I put my hand in front of Raph and pushed him back.

"We can't risk it." I pulled out my T-Phone and dialed April's number. Finally, we were going to get Donnie back.

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Her T-Phone lit up and buzzed in her pocket. Casey looked at her with wide eyes as she pulled it out.

"It's Leo!" April breathed, excitedly. She answered. "Hello?"

Casey waited as he heard the low sound of Leo's voice on the other end. Finally, April hung up. "The cure is ready, but Stockman wants the mutagen first. We gotta go! The longer we wait, the more damaged Donnie gets!"

The two jumped in. April silently thanked Donnie for teaching her the basics of driving the Shell Raiser a few weeks before, or they'd all be in big trouble. She sped down the streets, so fast Casey's face drained of color and he mentioned a few times it might be wise to slow down.

"We don't have time!" April said for the fifth time. "We need to get this to the guys so they can cure Donnie!"

Suddenly, a loud thud rattled the whole car. April pulled over, and the used the scope to see what it was.

"April! There's foot bots on the top!"

"They must think we're turtles!" April said, grabbing her tessen. Casey grabbed his hockey sticks and they jumped outside. Behind the foot bots was Fishface.

"I couldn't help but overhear you had an emergency and a large supply of mutagen. Perhaps, after I take you out, I can take out the turtles myself." He said, his crooked teeth curving into a smile.

April gripped her weapon. _Hang on, Donnie. We'll be there soon._

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Whoops, sorry, another cliffy. Also, sorry for the awkward short scenes that keep changing location and characters and blah. Hope you guys liked it. Trust me, the whole 'Fishface' thing will seem less weird when you see the next chapter (hopefully tomorrow night). Have a great Friday! Until next time, Booyakasha!


	7. Chapter 7

**Note: **Turns out I made a mistake. I had the boys drive the Shell Raiser, then April and Casey did as well. My bad guys, I wasn't thinking (stupid me). So, for story sake, the turtles have two vehicles, both with weapons and such. Sorry again!

Now, Chapter Six.

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"I'll hold them off! You call Leo for backup!" Casey yelled, pulling out a hockey stick. The foot bots were surrounding the shell raiser, and Fishface stood perched on top. April ran into the car, a ninja star skimming her head. She shut the door, just as the bots started to swarm around Casey.

"Please be ok," she breathed, pulling out her T-Phone. She would rather be out there, fighting the bots by Casey, but he had not been given a communicator yet, so she would have to contact them herself. The phone rang a little bit, and then finally, Leo answered.

"April!" He said, "Where are you? The cure is ready?"

"Somehow, Fishface found out we had lots of mutagen and there was an issue. We're being held off on the corner of Antonio's by foot bots." A large thud sounded and the Shell Raiser shook. "Lots of foot bots," she added.

Leo sighed. "Do you need us to come down?"

"That would be helpful!" She snapped as the car shook again.

"Ok, ok, we're on our way."

"No!" She cried. "One of you needs to stay, incase Fishface gets away and finds Donnie!"

"Alright, we'll get Mikey to stay behind."

"Really? Mikey?"

"Fine! I'll stay. Raph and Mikey are coming! Just, hang on, April!" Leo hung up.

April slammed the phone down and grabbed her tessen. She opened the door and saw foot bots littered on the ground with Casey standing around fighting off more. This was not going to be easy.

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I hung up and looked at Raph and Mikey. Raph was pacing the room and Mikey was tapping his foot.

"Change of plans, guys," I spoke up. Both stopped and looked at me. "April and Casey are in trouble. Somehow, Fishface found out what's going on. They're on the corner of Antonio's and they need your help."

"Wait, you're not coming?" Raph snapped. I shook my head.

"April wants one of us to stay behind, incase Fishface finds out where we are or sends foot bots. I agree with her." I lowered my voice and said, "We can _not_ leave Donnie alone with Baxter."

"Why don't we just leave Mikey behind?" Raph asked.

"April didn't want him to stay behind."

"Hey!" Mikey whined. I rolled my eyes and kept going.

"You guys need to get there and destroy the bots, so April and Casey can bring the mutagen. Then, we get Donnie." Raph nodded and pulled on Mikey.

They started running out to the vehicle, and then Raph turned back and looked at me. "He'll be fine, don't worry." I nodded and watched as they loaded up in the car and pulled out.

"They better get that mutagen here quickly," came a voice from behind me. I turned around to see Stockman standing, arms crossed.

"Why?" I said, fear rising in my chest.

"The mutagen is becoming more and more unstable. Even if we change him back, his mind might be permanently damaged. Let's just hope Fishface and his foot bots don't hold them off too long…" his voice trailed off. My eyes widened and I turned to look at him.

"You? You told Xever April and Casey had mutagen! You told him Don was in trouble!"

"I may have," Stockman said with a smile.

"Why? We had a deal!"

"I thought I could wipe you turtles out."

I ran up to him and pulled out one of my katanas. I grabbed him and held it to his throat.

"I wouldn't if I were you…" Stockman said. I eased up a little.

"Why not?"

"I'm the one with the cure, remember? It would be a shame if something happened to it."

"There are other ways of curing Donatello," I spat. But inside, something was churning. There was no way I could kill him, there was no way I could do anything to him. It would be dishonoring the lessons Master Splinter had taught us.

"Fine then. If you're so sure, do it!" He insisted. I tightened the grip on the handle, then opened my hand and let it fall to the ground. Baxter laughed as he slipped out of my hold and walked over to Don's container.

"I knew you were bluffing. You care more about your brother than vengeance. And now, however this issue resolves, I get the mutagen, whether or not your brother is cured."

Anger pounded in my chest but I turned away. I needed to balance out my emotions, so I began to meditate as Stockman laughed and retreated to another section of the lab.

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"Up there! I see them!" Mikey yelled. Raph turned and parked the car on the side of the road. He made a mental note to thank Donnie for making another car. It was really coming in handy while trying to save, well, uh, Don.

"Come on!" Raph yelled, jumping out of the car. Casey and April were fighting off the foot bots and Fishface.

"Tell me where the turtles are, and you can escape with your lives," Fishface hissed.

"Yeah right," April said, slicing through a bot's face.

"Why don't you look behind you?"

Xever turned around and saw Raph and Mikey with their weapons drawn. He smiled. "Oh, so they have delivered themselves to their own doom."

Raph growled and charged at him. He shoved a sai directly at Xever's face, but he avoided the blow and swiped Raph's legs from underneath him. Raph fell with a thud, and rolled away as one of Fishface's feet came stomping down in the spot he was moments before. Raph sprung back up and charged again.

Behind them, four foot bots remained. Casey charged one, slamming his stick onto its head and driving it to the ground. It pushed back up and repeated the same motion with its sword. Casey moved to the side and grabbed his baseball bat, sweeping the bots legs out from underneath so it fell again. Before it could get up, he shocked it, causing the red eyes to fade.

He smiled and turned to see April slicing the head off of another bot with her tessen. Mikey also took down the last two with his nun chucks. Casey ran up behind Fishface and slammed his baseball bat on the back of his head. The mutant fell to the ground and Raph drove his Sais into the ground over his legs, holding him in.

"Come on, Raph! Let's get the mutagen to Dexter's lab before it's too late!" Mikey called. Raph's eyes widened and he turned to look at Mikey. Xever smiled, twisting out of the hold and jumped up.

"Lab, you say? Thanks for the information. But I really must be going," he hissed and ran into motion.

"You idiot!" Raph shouted. "You told him where Donnie was, and now he's calling reinforcements!"

"Sorry, man, I didn't know…" Mikey said. Raph rolled his eyes and jumped in the car. "Casey, April, we'll meet you at the lab. Hurry! Don doesn't have much time." They nodded and climbed in the Shell Raiser.

Raph started the engine and speed down the street, back to where the lab was. The trip was silent, until Mikey spoke up.

"Raph, I'm sorry man, I just forgot."

Raph sighed. "Just, think more next time, ok? Don's in danger, and the last thing we want is for the enemy to know where he is. If Xever beats us, he could destroy Donnie."

"Don't worry, bro, Leo's got it covered." Raph sighed.

"I hope so."

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I opened my eyes. Something seemed off. I looked up at the clock, and realized I had been meditating for about forty-five minutes. How I kept my focus, I'll never know.

There was a low rumbling in the distance, and the ground started to shake.

"What the…" I said, but was cut off when three vans burst through the wall, and dozens of foot bots burst through. Fishface was holding on to the back of one of the cars. He hopped up and took a few steps out.

"Don't mind us, we hate missing all the fun." He said with a smile. I drew my katanas.

Xever's eyes wandered over to Don's container. Donnie was roaring and thrashing around, as he had been since we brought him to the lab. "Is that your brother?" He asked, his eyes wide in amazement.

"Don't touch him," I growled. Again, Xever's mouth curled into a smile. He held up his hand, and dozens of foot bots came piling out of the vans. My heart picked up its pace, but I held my ground.

"Foot bots," he said, "take out Leonardo. And when you're done, the one in the container goes too."

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Man I love cliffhangers! Don't worry; I know exactly what to do in the next chapter, so it shouldn't take long to write! Don't forget to review!


	8. Chapter 8

**Note**: Sorry it's been a while; I just didn't have any motivation to write the past two days. But here's chapter 8! Don't forget to review!

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_They'd better get here soon_, I thought, slashing the head off a foot bot and turning to face another. _I won't last much longer._

It was difficult to hold off Fishface and foot bots. But even if I got hurt, it was worth it for Donnie's sake.

Through the window, I could see headlights. Four headlights. Donnie's two cars came crashing through the walls and Raph, Mikey, Casey and April all came busting through. Relief washed through me like a wave and I smiled. Now it was even.

Raph nodded at me and I ran to face Fishface, while the others took down the foot bots. He was crawling up towards Donnie. I jumped over and crossed my katanas in front of him.

"Stay away from Donnie, Xever," I growled. His mouth curved into a smile.

"I don't know what will be more enjoyable, having you watch your brother's demise, or wiping you turtles off the earth permanently."

I yelled and swung at him. He avoided my swing and planted a kick straight on my chest. I fell down off the ledge of the container and onto the ground, shell first. I looked up and rolled out of the way, just in time to avoid Xever stomping down on my plastron.

I pushed myself up and kicked underneath Fishface's legs, causing him to fall. I pointed my katana directly to his face.

"It's over, Fishface. Get out of here."

He hissed. "You win for now, turtle. But don't get to comfortable." He slipped out from under and jumped up, slipping into one of the vans and driving off. I turned around and saw the remaining foot bots running, with dozens of destroyed bots lying around. I looked and saw Raph staring at me, his eyes wide in amazement. Mikey and Casey were helping April, who had been thrown against a table.

Raph came up to me and just looked at me. I frowned. "What? What are you looking at!"

He shook his head. "You're just," he said, and then stopped, cutting off the rest of his sentence. "Let's just help Donnie."

I nodded. We turned to see Stockman pocking his head out of one of the rooms. Raph and I walked up to him and I grabbed one of my katanas, pointing them at Stockman's throat.

"Fix Donnie now, or so help me…" I said, but stopped when Raph pushed my blade to the ground. Baxter gulped and grabbed the shot, going to Donnie's container.

"Leo, what are you doing!"

I stared at him, then the realization of what I had done hit me. "I don't, Raph I don't know. What's wrong with me?"

He shook his head, and then looked away. "We're all a little stressed man. But you don't have to go threatening people's lives to get your way." He smirked. "That's kind of my thing."

I smirked and nodded.

"And stop blaming yourself, man. It was an accident, Donnie won't hold a grudge against you, and so you shouldn't either."

I looked at the floor and sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"Come on," Raph said, as Mikey and the others came up behind him, "let's get Donnie."

We walked over to the container and saw Stockman releasing some gas into the chamber. "I made this when your brother grew resistant to the tranquil darts. It won't knock him out, but it will stun him long enough to inject the cure."

Donnie thrashed around as the gas entered, but slowly slumped to the ground, his breathing steadying. Baxter opened the door and injected the pale fluid into Donnie's neck. I saw him twitch and begin to tremble.

"Watch if you want, but it will hurt him a lot more than it will hurt me," Baxter said, laughing. "And I wouldn't stay long, Fish freak won't give up so easily, so I assume he and Karai are on their way here now,"

Anger boiled within me and I clenched my fists, but Raph put a hand on my shoulder. I looked at him and took a deep breath. There was a load roar, and I turned to see it came from Donnie. Suddenly, the roar began to sound more human like, turning into a scream that sounded just like Donnie.

"He's gonna be ok?" Mikey asked.

I was tired of sugar coating. "We don't know, Mikey. Only time will tell."

Mikey nodded and I tried to shake the image of normal Donnie with a monster brain from my mind. There was one more scream, then silence. I turned and was glad I did not watch the transformation. But there, in the container, was a normal, unconscious Donatello.

We pulled open the door to the chamber and Raph grabbed Donnie. We ran to the vehicles, Casey and April in one, the rest of us in the other. We put Don in the back with Mikey and I, while Raph drove back to the lair.

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We were gathered around Donnie, who was on a cot in the lab. He was beginning to stir and we were anticipating the moment he would open his eyes.

"How do you think he is?" Splinter asked.

"I don't know, Sensei," I said. My heart was sinking with every passing moment.

Finally, Don shifted and his eyes shot open. They were bloodshot and showed signs of exhaustion.

"Donnie?" I whispered. Mikey's eyes grew wide and he threw his arms around Donnie. Then he stood up and looked at Don.

"Donnie! You're back!"

Donnie's eyes widened and he screamed. He reached up for Mikey and closed his hands around his throat. Mikey started struggling and pulled away, only for Donnie to throw a punch to his face.

"What are you doing, D!" Mikey screamed, holding his face. I reached to hold his arms down, suddenly having a flashback of the issue with Kirby. I stumbled backwards. Raph jumped in and tried to hold Donnie down, only to get punched in the face as well.

"Donnie, stop!"

"Who are you!" He screamed, his throat sounding raw and scratchy. My heart sank.

"Donnie?"

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Wow, another cliffy? What's gonna happen? Sorry if this chapter sucked, I hope the next one is better! Anyways, the story will be coming to a close in a few chapters. Have a great week!


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry I've been sort of MIA for a few weeks. I had an eight-page research paper due for English, and unfortunately it was not about TMNT. Anyways, here is the next installment of my story! I plan on wrapping it up in a few chapters, then starting the next story after outlining it. Enjoy!

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"Calm down, Donnie! It's us!" Raph yelled, rubbing his head. That punch must have hit him harder than I thought. I could see Donnie taking quick, shallow breaths, and his pupils were huge. Did he really not recognize us?

"Donatello," Splinter said, calmly, "it is us, your family." Don looked around, his pupils gradually getting smaller as he relaxed his breaths.

"Sen… Sensei?" He stuttered. I could have cried. He recognized him. Maybe he would recognize us.

"Yes, my son. How are you feeling?"

"I'm a little out of sorts," he said slowly, as if he was not sure of the words he was saying. There was a confused and anxious look in his eyes, and his fists were clenched as if he was ready to fight.

"That is understandable," Splinter said, his tone of voice as calm as water tumbling over rocks in a stream. A thick calmness settled in the air as Donnie finally took a deep breath and opened his clenched hands.

"Where am I? Who are all of you?" He asked. That familiar feeling of my stomach falling came back. _He can't possibly mean that, can he? It's _all my_ fault; it's all my fault…_

"You don't recognize us?" Raph asked. I could hear the genuine concern laced in his voice, it was hurting him as much as it was hurting me.

Donnie shook his head slowly. Splinter turned to face all of us. "Perhaps it would be best if I spent some time alone with Donatello. April, Casey, maybe you should get home as well, it is late." April and Casey nodded, and then followed us out of the room. They breathed some quick goodbyes and headed out. Seeing them hand and hand would have driven Don crazy. But he could not even remember.

Mikey mumbled something about a bite to eat and wandered off into the kitchen. I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands. It was all my fault. I had ruined Donnie, and even worse, possibly his brain.

I felt a sob rise up in my throat, but I swallowed it, feeling the hard lump fall to my chest. I was not going to cry. Don would not want me to cry. He would tell me everything would turn out ok, and think up some crazy scheme with an invention that might fail, but he would have so much fun building it we would just play along.

"Would you stop moping around?" I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned around and saw Raphael with his arms crossed across his chest, looking down at me.

"Not now, Raph. I'm not in the mood."

"Give me a break, Leo. You're our _leader. _You hold this team up. You're the one who gives us hope, even if we have a sword pointed to our throats. You give us a plan when the odds are stacked against us. How do you think Donnie would feel knowing his leader fell apart because of one mistake?"

"That one mistake nearly cost Donnie everything!" I shouted, standing up. I looked down on him; for once thankful I towered above him by a few inches.

"Don is back now, so stop crying about it!"

"You don't understand!" I was yelling at the top of my lungs and praying Splinter could not hear. "If I hadn't moved, we wouldn't be in this mess! Seeing Donnie as a monster _ate me alive_, Raph! You don't know what it's like for your mistake to cost you a brother!"

"What about the time I tried to lead, huh?" He yelled back. "I nearly got Mikey killed! For a while, I couldn't even look at him. But you know what? I had to let it go! Because Mikey is fine now."

"Well Donnie's not. I just wish we had switched places. I wish I had been the monster, taken the hit, mutated…"

"But you weren't, Leo!" Raph screamed. His eyes seemed to be on fire as he yelled. "You weren't the one who took the hit! Donnie was! All you want is to keep yourself from feeling this way! Right now, Donatello needs us! We can't wallow around in our own self-pity while he's confused and worried! You want to help Don? Fine! Get your act together and be a leader!"

I looked at him, anger burning behind my eyes. I was furious because he yelled. I was frustrated because he was right.

"It's what Donnie would want," Raph said, softer. My eyes softened and I took a step away, as if his words had physically hit me in the stomach. It sure felt like a blow to the gut.

"Guys," Mikey said. We turned to see him holding a slice of pizza, and a single line made by a tear stained his cheek.

"Mikey…" I said, "You didn't hear all that, did you?"

Mikey nodded. "Raph's right, you know."

I smiled. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the lab door open. Splinter looked at me with sad eyes, but he motioned for us to come in. The three of us slowly made our way to Donnie, careful to keep our distance. Don looked up, and forced a fake and weary smile onto his face.

"Donnie?" Mikey asked, again. He nodded and Mikey's smile grew a mile wide.

"Feeling better?" Raph asked. Donnie shrugged. "Good," Raph added. "In training, I'll make you pay for that punch you landed on me."

Donnie chuckled softly. "Looking forward to it." Then, his amber eyes turned and locked on mine.

"Leo, I…"

I could not do it. I could not face him."I'm so glad you're ok, Donnie," I quickly chocked out, "but I need to take care of something." My eyes burned as I dashed out of the lab and took off into the sewers. I could not think, I could not breath. I did not want him to tell me it was ok, or he forgave me. I did not want to live with knowing he could brush off such a terrible mistake.

I needed air. My head was spinning and I pushed against the walls of the sewer to keep from falling over. The space was closing in. I could not breathe. All I could do was force the ever-present lump back down my throat as I clawed for sanity.

He may have looked like Donnie, but I could not pretend I did not notice the beast prowling behind his eyes.

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"Is he ok?" Donnie asked. Splinter shook his head.

"Leonardo has some things he needs to work out, my son. In due time, he will face you."

"Face me? Did I do something to him?"

"Not quite." Donnie nodded, still confused and looked over to Mikey and Raph.

"I think I'm going to head on to my room," Mikey said, slowly. "I'll talk to you in the morning, D." Donnie arched an eyebrow, but smiled, assuming 'D' was a nickname. He waved as Mikey slipped out.

"I'm going to meditate. If you need anything, Donatello, please, let me know," Splinter said as he slipped out.

Don turned to look at Raph, who was messing with his thumbs as he leaned against a lab table. He bent over a little too far back and pushed a stack of papers off the table.

"Oh, Don I'm so sorry," he said, gathering them into a stack.

"Uh, it's ok. I hope those weren't important," Donnie said, nonchalantly. Raph looked at him with wide eyes.

"You mean you don't know what these are?" Don shook his head. "But this is your lab."

"I know, I just have so many things swirling around my brain, I can' think straight. I'm just waiting for everything to take root."

Raph nodded slowly, as if he understood. But how was he supposed to? He was not the one who had been mutated and attacked his own family. Don had paid a higher price than anyone else for his family and April's.

"Ralph, I just want you to know…"

"It's _Raph_ actually."

"Right, sorry. Short for Raphael. Anyways, I just want you to know that whatever happened the past few days, or however long I was gone, I don't…"

"Stop, Don, stop," Raph said, looking away. Donnie looked at him, concerned. "I don't want to talk about everything that happened."

Don sighed. "Ignoring it won't make it go away." Raph clenched his fist and brought it down on the table, shifting the sloppily stacked papers shifting around.

"I know, I know it won't go away. I just think the first person you should talk to about this is Leo. He's… well, he isn't taking the whole situation well."

"I noticed."

"I just think he should be the first one to hear all of this, you know, so it's genuine."

Donatello nodded. "I get it."

"Good," Raph said. "I think I'm going to get some sleep. You should too, you look awful." His eyes widened when he realized what he said. "I mean, uh, you don't… it's not that you aren't…"

Donnie laughed. Not chuckled, he honestly laughed. "Goodnight, Raphael. And trust me, you've looked better yourself," he said, his eyes closing slowly.

Raph smiled, slipping through the door. "It's good to have you back, little brother."

"It's good to be back, big brother," Donnie said softly as sleep wrapped him up and pulled him under.

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Awww sorry I just like brotherly fluff. There's a difference between fluff and pairings, which I don't do so don't go crazy now. The next few chapters will mostly be from third person as Donnie talks with his friends and family. I'll add what Splinter and Don talked about in the next chapter while the others waited outside.

Be patient though! I have exciting things planned for the conclusion, so don't get bored because of the oncoming fluff. EMBRACE THE FLUFF, FRIENDS!

Anywho, that's all for now. Till next time, Shellheads!


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